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Churchill
Communications
Computers & Technology
Conflict
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George Bernard Shaw
Robert Heinlein
Law
Life & Death
Literature & Reading
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Mark Twain
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Plato
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It's no coincidence that in no known language
does the phrase As pretty as an airport appear.
--Douglas Adams
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
--Douglas Adams
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
--Douglas Adams
If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it
wasn't there...what then?
The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits
for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart
of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts
turned out to be, what else was the meaning of belief? The Door would
still be there, even if the Door was not.
-- Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently: Holistic Detective Agency)
Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you
didn't have a good answer to.
-- Douglas Adams
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes
wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
-- Douglas Adams
The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight
in the entire Universe.
-- Douglas Adams
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-- D. Adams
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few
pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
-- Douglas Adams
The Hitch Hiker's Guide has not been an opera. It has however been a
tapestry, if you count a woven bath towel as a tapestry.
-- Douglas Adams
Very deep. You should send that into Reader's Digest, they've got a
page for people like you.
-- Douglas Adams
All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.
--Douglas Adams
Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point
B that so many people from point A are so keen to get *there*. They
often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the
hell they wanted to be.
-- Douglas Adams
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is
an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended
life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital
watches are a pretty neat idea ...
-- Douglas Adams
Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split
before. Thus was the Empire forged.
--Douglas Adams
This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most
of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.
Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were
largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper,
which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
paper that were unhappy.
--Douglas Adams
You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock
with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep
space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when
I was young!
Why, what did she tell you?
I don't know, I didn't listen!
- Douglas Adams/Ford Prefect
One reason I don't drink is because I wish to know when I'm having a
good time.
-- Nancy Astor (Viscountess Astor) 1879-1964
Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra
The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.
-- F. H. Bradley
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied
law.
-- Bugs Bunny
Never give succor to the mentally ill; it is a bottomless pit.
--William S. Burroughs
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
-- Chinese Proverb
A joke is a very serious thing.
--Winston Churchill
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us
as equals.
--Winston Churchill
Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without
innovation, it is a corpse.
--Winston Churchill
It was the best of times, it
was the worst of times.
-- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going
to speak it?
-- Clarence Darrow
Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival
of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.
-- Albert Einstein
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
-- Albert Einstein
Kill no more pigeons than you can eat.
--Benjamin Franklin
The sleeping fox catches no poultry.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Plough deep while sluggards sleep.
--Benjamin Franklin
Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the
shade.
--Benjamin Franklin
Early morning hath gold in its mouth.
--Benjamin Franklin
Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.
--Benjamin Franklin
Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty, and supped with infamy.
--Benjamin Franklin
Where sense is wanting, everything is wanting.
--Benjamin Franklin
Well done is better than well said.
--Benjamin Franklin
Deep down, I'm pretty superficial.
-- Ava Gardner
I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?
-- Harper's Magazine correspondence section (Nov. 1997)
Go to Hell! or other direct insult is all the answer a snoopy question
deserves.
-- Robert Heinlein/Lazarus Long
If Wishes were fishes, we'd all cast nets.
-Frank Herbert
An unexciting truth may be eclipsed by a thrilling lie.
-- Aldous Huxley
To us, the moment 8:17 A.M. means something - something very important,
if it happens to be the starting time of our daily train. To our ancestors,
such an odd eccentric instant was without significance - did not even
exist. In inventing the locomotive, Watt and Stevenson were part inventors
of time.
-- Aldous Huxley
The sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the exercises
walking is the best.
--Thomas Jefferson
No instance exists of a person's writing two language perfectly. That
will always appear to be his native language which was most familiar
to him in his youth.
--Thomas Jefferson
It is a principle that the right to a thing gives a right to the means
without which it could not be used, that is to say, that the means follow
their end.
--Thomas Jefferson
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. You
know a cow was murdered for that jacket? she sneered. I replied in a
psychotic tone, I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have
to kill you too.
-- Jake Johanson
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead
of you.
-- David Letterman
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving
birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
-- Sam Levenson
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge
us by what we have already done.
-- Henry W. Longfellow
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Andrew Mathis
If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
-- William Somerset Maugham
Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to
be?
-- William Somerset Maugham
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-- William Somerset Maugham
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate
what I am thinking about.
-- Donald F. Mazankowski
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the
concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening
him with it much more effective .
-- P. J. O'Rourke
The message so far has been: don't panic. As the crisis goes on, and
its impact worsens, the message is: start panicking a little.
I concluded from the beginning that this would be the end; and I am
right, for it is not half over yet.
-- Sir Boyle Roche
Miscellaneous is always the largest category.
-- Joel Rosenberg, The Warrior Lives (1988)
We know too much and feel too little. At least we feel too little of
those creative emotions from which a good life springs.
-- Bertrand Russell
Q: How do you attract a vegetarian?
A: Make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
-- Tommy Smothers
Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!
-- Tommy Smothers
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick
to anger.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, Book I (1954)
We must cultivate our garden.
-- Voltaire
A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the
same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
-- Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it on all
the beaches of the world...perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
I used to be a proofreader for a skywriting company.
-- Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
-- Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything
with exact duplicates...
When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
-- Steven Wright
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